We all have experienced shame in our lives. I was the queen of feeling ashamed. Shame allows us to feel unworthy, scared, insecure, resentful, reluctant, out of control, and vulnerable… The list can go on and on. Who allows us to feel ashamed????? You guessed it correctly if you said, “I do.” We allow others to bring the shame out of us. We do this because we have not learned to be proud of ourselves, we have not learned to handle trauma in our life,  we do not feel good or have faith in what we do, we have not learned to believe in ourselves, walk with our head held high, or have learned to have balance in our life. These are all factors that can eliminate feeling shame. 

When we experience shame, we put our strengths right out the window, we kick our strengths to the curb without a second look back. Shame believes it is in control of our strengths. Most of us who feel shame refuse to seek out help because of embarrassment. When I was sexually abused as a child, I was scared to death to tell anyone out of shame. I then began to believe the abuse was a sign of love, but still felt much shame. When we feel shame…..ASK FOR HELP. Reach out to someone you trust, if they can’t help you…continue to seek professional  help until you find it. Let determination kick Shames’ butt.

No one should go through life or even a moment feeling shamed. If you lose a job, don’t be ashamed, think of it as, “this job just wasn’t for me and I’ll find something better.” If you have read my blog, you know I am a firm believer in learning lessons from life events. I’ll say it again…we didn’t learn to walk without falling down and trying again. We didn’t learn to read or write without making spelling or pronunciation errors. Failure does not equal shame.

Shame has no boundaries. We are all worthy of living a life without shame. Let go of past beliefs (shame) and embrace your future self with strong boundaries. Shame is like the saying “there is a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other”  Shame is on one shoulder and determination is on the other shoulder. Let determination win. 

We all have judged someone, which can cause that individual to feel shame. This is why we need to catch ourselves when we judge and rethink our thoughts to give someone hope and encouragement instead. I believe the person who shames someone else is shaming them because they are insecure themselves.  Many people would rather shame someone to make themselves feel superior. I catch myself judging “inside my mind” at times,  I have also learned to retrain my thoughts to “rephrase” these thoughts to be encouraging ones.  I’m human and we all make mistakes. What is important is to learn from these actions/thoughts and become a better human being. Keep your judging thoughts to yourself while learning from them and helping others feel great about themselves. We all need encouraging words every single day.

Trust the Journey and Life Lessons,

Alexis

Alexis Life Coach Inner Abilities LLC

Holistic Life Coach & Counseling

Alexis BSc(Psyc), MILC