I have a degree in counseling a Masters as a Life Coach and I know all about being an enabler. I have counseled people with additions, dependent on others, and those who believe they don’t need anyone in their life to exist. What an enabler does is….help those who have issues to stay the way they are. Kind of like children, a child screams for a toy, throws a fit, and the parent gives said child the toy to make them stop screaming. This is being an enabler because we are rewarding that child with a toy and giving the message….if you do this again….I will give you another toy.

We have all been an enabler at one time in our life. It’s not a bad thing all the time, but when continuous, the individual with the problem expects others to be their enabler. Enablers reward for bad behavior. Enablers encourage the wrong kind of behavior. The reason I am writing this blog today is because I value helping others be the best that they can be. I believe in compliments when compliments are due, encouraging when someone needs positive encouragement, and I believe our society is forgetting these behaviors. We should not reward bad behavior.

Enablers encourage behavior that will lead who they are enabling down a path of destruction without a chance to see what they are doing is harmful to themselves and others. I cannot stress the importance to praise good behavior and the importance of “talking to” not “talking at” someone if they are doing something wrong and harmful to their self-worth. I say “talking to” because this is someone who takes the time to explain why their destructive behavior is harmful. “Talking at,” is someone “barking orders” without caring to explain. “Talking at” someone will usually only upset them and make that individual feel the person talking at them really doesn’t care.

I love positive enforcement. I love people telling others what a great job they are doing, how great they look, complimenting them on something out of the blue. With the stressful times in our world, being a positive enforcer wins time after time.

I found myself allowing someone to talk to me as though I didn’t have a choice in the matter. I listened and then walked away. I was the enabler to myself. I allower this person to tell me what I was going to do without telling them how I felt. I enabled this person to believe it was ok to just tell me what I was going to do when I should have discussed my feelings and thoughts on what was being said. I was caught off guard and in a room full of people. With that being said, I will go back and discuss, one-on-one, my thoughts on the matter with this person letting them know my feelings about what was said. This will show that I matter and care about myself and happiness.

We need to work together and make life better for everyone. This post is to hopefully make everyone who reads it think about how they treat others, how they talk to others, and how much we need to work together in a more positive way to teach one another the power of change for the better. An enabler will want to look like the good person while in fact, the enabler is creating an individual who believes their bad behavior is rewarding and it will continue and continue until shown/taught differently by positive happy individuals.

Trust the Journey and Life Lessons,

Alexis

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